it's all about the -ing

Spring makes me happy. Not just the weather; the cool mornings and warm days motivate and inspire me. But mostly it's the colors. Green, I've mentioned before, is my favorite color, and in the spring it is accompanied by purple. Well, it is around here, anyway. Purple budding trees and flowers alongside new green grass. It just about makes me giddy. Unfortunately, all this glorious color, motivation, and giddiness doesn't fend off the depression.

I mentioned a couple of posts back that I've been taking note of when the darkness comes, but I've also been trying to notice what keeps it away. One thing I've found is if I keep reading I don't get so depressed. When I finish a book it's good for me to start another one fairly soon. Reading keeps me from thinking. Thinking gets me too concerned about myself and how miserable I can be sometimes. For instance, Sunday I slept most of the day. I'd get up every couple hours and eat a little, then go back to bed. That went on until 4:30 in the afternoon, when I made myself get up and stay up. I thought about starting a new book, but by that point I was too far down to concentrate. So I watched movies on the Hallmark channel until it was time for bed.

Another thing I've found that helps keep my mind off myself and out of depression is thinking about others. Actually, not just thinking about them, but doing things for them. My friend, Michelle, has been sick and I had planned to take her out for breakfast. But she had a rough night and wasn't feeling up to it. I should have called someone else right then, but I didn't and not having someone to take care of left me feeling empty.

Also, probably the most obvious, is writing. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't get the crazy stuff out of my head. Someone told me recently they liked my writing because it's honest. I'm not sure what that means exactly. I mean, can someone write dishonestly? I just write down what's in my head. I write the way I talk. It's kind of like talking to someone who isn't there. (That's not at all crazy, huh?) I want to tell them my story, or whatever, and I'm not going to lie. It has everything to do with my need to be understood. I figure if I can explain myself people won't think I'm so crazy. And that makes me happy and keeps me out of bed.

tree

A strong and tall tree,
Branches reaching out; roots deep,
Gives shelter and hope.

pr: 2010

anything

If I could give you anything
I would give you peace;
A quiet place to rest and
Breathe in the grace and beauty.
I would give you hope;
The words to give you strength
To help you on your journey.

If I could give you anything
I would give you joy;
All your heart's desire and
All that fills your dreams.
I would give you love;
The warmth that fills my heart,
Like a gentle summer stream.

pr: 2010

what i've learned so far

I am worthy of being loved.

It's okay just to say "thank you" when someone gives me a compliment.

Saying "no" doesn't make me a bad person.

Happiness is a choice.

People don't do things because of me. They do things because of who they are.

If I expect people to be themselves, I won't be disappointed.

Honesty really is the best policy. But be prepared to face the consequences.

People only do what they really want.

If people control me, it's because I let them.

Reality is only what I know at the moment.

Someone who really listens has more control than someone who is always talking.

The grass isn't greener on the other side.

People don't lie to protect your feelings. They lie to protect themselves.

Forgiving is a lot better way to live than being angry all the time.

Bitterness is a form of cancer.

I don't always have to figure it out or fix it.

Sometimes it's best not to say anything.

Life is much easier when we don't do things for which we must apologize.

RL and I went to Panama City Beach, FL last week. We had fun and it was relaxing, but it rained a lot and we didn't get to do everything we wanted. We didn't even make it into the water! Other than a little dip in the pool and some time in the hot tub. We walked along the beach a couple of times, but it was so cold and rainy most of the week we barely got our feet wet.

We haven't been there in about three years and we were amazed at how much it had grown. There were new hotels, new restaurants, new shops, new roads. And now it's even easier to get lost down there. All roads run into each other and eventually to the beach, but I kept getting confused. Every intersection looks the same: high rise hotel on one corner and an Alvin's Island Tropical Department Store on the other.

One day we ventured across the bay to the St. Andrews historic district. We even took a short walking tour of the area, which was interesting, but it would've probably been better if we had been with a group that was closer to our own age. As it was, I felt as though we were on an excursion from one of those Florida retirement villages.

Anyway, on our little 40 minute stroll we visited the St. Andrews Marina, the Oak by the Bay Park (home to the beautiful 250 year old Heritage Oak, which stands in the center of the park), historically restored banks, homes, and church of the orginal settlement. It was very interesting to me, at least, since I like the old architecture and history of people and places.

It wasn't one of the most exciting vacations we've had, but it was still a good and relaxing week together.

photo tag

XI tagged me to play along and so I guess that means I'm IT. The idea is to post a specific, yet random photo -- specifically (yet, also, randomly...) the 4th photo from the 4th folder. Since I have folders within folders within folders of photos, it was a little difficult not to cheat just a bit. But I didn't and, though this isn't one of my favorite shots, it is one of my favorite subjects.

Brandi had been with a modeling agency for about a year and needed new composites to send out for potential jobs. It was going to cost $500 just for the photography, so I asked her agent if it would be ok if I did the photo session myself. Surprisingly she agreed and this is one of those photos.

I know Therese has already been tagged, but I'm tagging her again because she's been so busy lately, this will be an easy post for her to make. I'm also going to tag Jeff, because he's new to this blog thing (though he may not participate for a while since he's on his way to Russia). And lastly, I'll tag Kristi, because she is also new to blogging and I want to introduce her to all of you.

speaking of convenience stores

I would say I spend more time than the average person at convenience stores over the course of a day. (No, not that kind of convenience store! What kind of girl do you think I am? Never mind that . . . So to make sure there's no confusion, the store hereafter will be referred to as QT) And, let me tell you, there are some really interesting, strange, and dumb things that go on there. (I guess I should explain, to those of you who may not know, my work takes me outside. So I go to QT for coffee in the morning, potty breaks, lunch, potty breaks, etc.) Anyway, I've spent so much time at QT and seen and experienced so many things there, I've decided to share a few of them with you. Aren't you excited?

First and foremost, because I want you to know not all things that happen at QT are bad. No, actually, I met RL at the QT. Really? Really! Back in the days when he was a fresh college graduate, still looking for the right job, he worked at QT. One day I walked through the door and into his life forever.

But back to the strange . . .

At QT there's just about anything you could want for your morning drive into work. Breakfast burritos, egg & sausage buiscuts, and, of course, COFFEE. One morning, as I was standing in line to pay (there's always a line, because everyone and their dog goes to QT in the mornings), I was patiently waiting my turn when I noticed an older woman scanning the breakfast choices offered. She made up her mind, picked up her selection, and quickly slipped it into her coat pocket. As a nice cover to the petty theft, she stood in line to pay for her chocolate milk.

Then there are the people who rarely, if ever, actually enter the QT, because they are standing out front (usually near the pay phone) trying to run a scam. One, I watched from my own front row seat in the work truck, involved two young "stranded" females. They walked up to the pay phone, one picked up the receiver, and proceeded to act as though she was having a conversation. The other one scanned the parking lot for a victim. A woman walked passed them and they completely ignored her. Next a young man came walking towards them and the one woman elbowed the other on the phone. She immediately went into full damsel in distress mode. The other woman stopped the man and explained they had run out of gas and didn't have any money and could he just give them a couple of dollars. He did, walked away, and the two women had a good laugh behind his back as they spied their next victim.

Not all things that happen at QT are criminal. Some things are just a little weird. Like someone who randomly walks up to people and asks them if they can take a picture of their tatoo to show their daughter. Or people who actually let some stranger take a picture of their tatoo. The really weird thing was when the girl was asked if a picture could be taken of her tattoo she said, "The one on my neck?" Well, um, yeah. Cause that's the only one I can see and cause I'm not gonna ask you to drop your drawers so I can get a pic of the rose tatooed on your butt. Weirdo!!

birthday presents

You know how the saying goes: "It's more blessed to give than to receive." So I started my birthday right by giving myself a 4-day weekend. My birthday is actually today, so it was a weekend full of fun leading up to the big celebration. Not that I'm really having a BIG celebration, as in party or anything. But I am celebrating big in my heart.

Anyway, what did I do these four glorious days? Well, I mentioned in the previous post that Saturday I spent the day with my daughter at the zoo, which was a lot of fun and, yes, I took tons of pictures (I was nice and only gave you a sampling of the 300 I actually took). RL had left Saturday morning to go hunting and wouldn't be home until Sunday night, so I took advantage of an empty house and cleaned my little heart out. No, I didn't clean my heart -- I cleaned the house!! That might sound like a strange way to celebrate, but believe me, it was a gift for my soul.

Yesterday I continued the giving and went shopping. Now some of you may think that is a typical thing for a woman to do and you would probably be right, except I'm not your typical woman. If you'll notice, #38 of the 100 Things About Me states plainly: I hate shopping. To make it more enjoyable I planned the day, made a list, and headed to the big discount members only warehouse store. (Yeah, well, there's a whole lot more there than bulk quantities of Charmin.)

Ok, I did stop off at the mall first. But that was because I needed to take my wedding rings in for repair and some other jewelry to be checked and cleaned. I hadn't planned on roaming down to the shoe store that just happened to be having a "buy one pair and get the second at half price" sale. So, of course, I had to buy two pairs of shoes. I needed some comfy casual shoes. Really. And it seemed a shame to pass up another pair of shoes at half price!

And I couldn't help that, on my way back to the jewelry store, I had to pass the cellular phone kiosk. But since I did I thought I would see if they had a case for my phone. I didn't know I was eligible for a new phone! Hey, it's my birthday weekend -- what a cool gift!! (Actually, it turned out that I wasn't really eligible for the upgrade until the 29th. So thank you, Sam, Paris, and Jeremy for making it happen.)

So after two hours I finally made it back to the jewelry store, picked up my fully inspected, bright sparkly clean jewelry and headed to . . . oh wait! You should have seen them. Simple, shiny, 14K white gold hoop earrings just screaming, "Happy Birthday!"

When I finally made it to the big discount members only warehouse to purchase miscellaneous and much needed items, I discovered there were only two remaining black leather jackets in my size. I couldn't risk waiting for RL to buy me one for Christmas. They'd BOTH be gone. I did what any rational giving person would do. I gave myself one!

This morning RL wished me a very, VERY happy birthday and later asked me if I wanted my gift now or if I wanted to wait until tonight at dinner (at a very special seafood restaurant). Of course I want it now! So this is what my loving husband gave me. It's our children's birthstone and I absolutely love it!

And just when I thought I had received all the gifts any girl could ever imagine, I walked my husband to the door, kissed him goodbye as he was leaving for work, closed the door, walked back into the living room, and to my great surprise discovered my dog had left me a present as well! YIPEE! More cleaning. Happy Birthday to Me!!

zoo friends

Click on image for large view

My daughter and I were able to spend most of yesterday at the zoo -- sort of an (early) birthday gift for me to spend much of the day with her. We had a great time!

fireworks & leon

Here are a few pics from the

Leon Russell concert we went to last weekend.

coconuts and grass skirts

just a few

Well, I promised some photos this weekend. I'm trying to get caught up on some housework around here, so here are just a few.

aloha!

Just stopped in to say aloha!

in motion

Today was actually a very nice day (except for the 25 mph wind). So I took my camera and tripod out for a try at a fountain I've been wanting to shoot.

This one was ok, but I really wanted a slower shutter speed to get a more flowing feel of the water.

After several tries, I was getting much closer.

Finally, the effect I was wanting. However, I still haven't figured out just the right setting so that it's not so bright. I had to do a lot of editing so it wouldn't look so washed out.

in the grey

In the calm,
In the quietness,
The warmth of Your words flood my heart.

The chaos looms,
Darkness awaits,
The cold fingers reach out to grasp me.

In between,
In the grey,
I stand forever holding on to the hope:

Your words will penetrate,
Your love will permeate,
Your life will demonstrate,
And I will overcome.

© Heart Prints, 2008

garden angel

desserts*

Here's a little post to let everyone know I've snapped out of it. It amazes me how I manage to get through the bouts I have with grief and depression. This week's episode was conquered (to a certain extent) by learning how to use a new software program my husband bought me for Christmas. It seems the more challenging, tedious, and time-consuming a task is, the more it releases just the right amount of chemicals in my brain to bring relief.

The software? Oh, it is Adobe Photoshop Elements 6 and I have been having a blast going through and editing our vacation pictures. Here are a couple of samples:

Ok, so before I start sounding too geeky and going on and on about how much fun I've been having, spending hours on the computer editing photos and creating hundreds (not an exaggeration) of layouts, I have to go pick up my prints.

*The mirror image of stressed.

portraits

This afternoon I did some family portraits for a friend and her daughters. We've been trying to schedule this for about eight months and I'm glad we finally were able to get together. It's been so long since I've done any portraits I forgot a lot of things. It wasn't until I was processing them that I remembered a few things I could have done to make some of the pictures better. As always, there were some pictures that I wasn't particularly pleased with, but this is one of my favorites. It was a good day.

target practice

RL hasn't been able to go hunting this year, because he's been working so much. But Saturday he got in a little target practice.
My daughter thought it would be a good photo op, though she didn't actually shoot the gun. She just wanted a cool pic to post on her My Space.

lazy dazy

These daisies usually bloom in June.

This one is definitely a late bloomer.