Monday, October 22, 2007

apply yourself

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.

When I was in about the 4th grade, I remember my teacher sitting me down and telling me that I could do much better in class if I would apply myself. I remember hearing the same thing from my parents. "You just need to apply yourself." But they never really explained to me what that meant. No one ever told me how to apply myself. I didn't have a clue what they meant.
Now (don't laugh too hard) I think I've finally figured it out.

I've been working on an Associates degree in Survey Technology for six years. Yeah, really, a two year degree and after six years I still have about four years before I'll finish. I can only afford one class a semester and it's helped me keep a 4.0 GPA. But it almost seems like such a waste of time, since two years after I get my degree I can retire. But I keep pressing forward. I keep enrolling in classes and getting dressed and showing up.

Next Spring I will have an opportunity to take an intern exam. It seems so silly, at my age, to be taking an exam of any kind. But as an intern! This is when I realized I have to apply myself. Because I could just sit back, go to work, collect a paycheck and it would all be good. But what if? What if I take the exam and pass? I would be the first Surveyor Intern where I work.

So I will apply myself. I mean literally; I have to apply to take the exam. And that's where the difficulty comes. I'm afraid I won't be accepted. They'll turn me down. I won't get to take the exam, so why even try. And even if I do, I'll probably fail. Those are the things that go through my mind. Those are the things I have to overcome so that I can 'apply myself.'

Part of me wants to give up and say, "Who cares?!" The other part of me says, "If I keep going, I wonder how far I will get?"


XI Summit said...

Go for it, apply yourself, the only waste would be to give up now. "It seems so silly, at my age ...." oh come on, you are far too young to start with the 'at my age' stuff! Go for it, be the first, show 'em all how it's done.

for a different kind of girl said...

It's thoughts like those you've expressed here that go through my mind as I wonder what I'm supposed to be when I decide I'd like to grow up again.

Well, not that I'd *like* to, but because I'll probably have to.

In the end, I say go for it!

Sailor said...

Be the first, what a fun thing! I wonder if I'll ever learn to apply myself, and some days, if I care- but I think it'd be fun to be the first Surveyor Intern!

Anonymous said...

I currently have a job working with glue, so the phrase apply yourself takes a whole new meaning (and not always a happy one).

Well, enjoy that mental image for a moment, and be proud of everything you have accomplished.

Little Town Big Life said...

You ask--who cares? You do and YOU MATTER!!! Don't quit, don't give up, don't let go of your goals. What else is there!!

Phyllis Renée said...

XI -- "Show 'em all . . ." That's pretty much my driving force.

fadkog -- Grow up? Who said anything about growing up? I just want someday finally graduate :o) But I am glad I have some kind of clue now as to what I want to do.

Sailor -- Not only that, but I'm already the first female where I work. So this would make it even more exciting.

Silent Male -- I guess I'll just stick to it!

Little Town -- Exactly! Without any dreams or goals I'd would be absolutely miserable.

Just to let you all know, I'm filling out my application and putting in the mail tonight. Say a little prayer and wish me luck.