It doesn't feel like Christmas. There isn't the joy and the anticipation. No warm fuzzies. Just a cloud overshadowing the whole thing, threatening to burst a cold and icy rain. Maybe I want it too much, maybe I'm trying too hard, but the more I want to feel Christmas, the more it slips away.
There are a number of reasons for this, but mostly a sense of loss. Grief is a sneeky thing. It comes on strong, quietly slips away, and then pounces when you least expect it. And I know that it does not like to be ignored. It is persistent. It hovers, stands over your shoulder, pulls at your sleeve until it is acknowledged and given the attention it needs.
So while everyone is opening their gifts and greeting all with a 'Merry Christmas,' I will smile and play along, but in my mind I will be tending a broken heart.
