Monday, March 29, 2010

it's all about the -ing

Spring makes me happy. Not just the weather; the cool mornings and warm days motivate and inspire me. But mostly it's the colors. Green, I've mentioned before, is my favorite color, and in the spring it is accompanied by purple. Well, it is around here, anyway. Purple budding trees and flowers alongside new green grass. It just about makes me giddy. Unfortunately, all this glorious color, motivation, and giddiness doesn't fend off the depression.

I mentioned a couple of posts back that I've been taking note of when the darkness comes, but I've also been trying to notice what keeps it away. One thing I've found is if I keep reading I don't get so depressed. When I finish a book it's good for me to start another one fairly soon. Reading keeps me from thinking. Thinking gets me too concerned about myself and how miserable I can be sometimes. For instance, Sunday I slept most of the day. I'd get up every couple hours and eat a little, then go back to bed. That went on until 4:30 in the afternoon, when I made myself get up and stay up. I thought about starting a new book, but by that point I was too far down to concentrate. So I watched movies on the Hallmark channel until it was time for bed.

Another thing I've found that helps keep my mind off myself and out of depression is thinking about others. Actually, not just thinking about them, but doing things for them. My friend, Michelle, has been sick and I had planned to take her out for breakfast. But she had a rough night and wasn't feeling up to it. I should have called someone else right then, but I didn't and not having someone to take care of left me feeling empty.

Also, probably the most obvious, is writing. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't get the crazy stuff out of my head. Someone told me recently they liked my writing because it's honest. I'm not sure what that means exactly. I mean, can someone write dishonestly? I just write down what's in my head. I write the way I talk. It's kind of like talking to someone who isn't there. (That's not at all crazy, huh?) I want to tell them my story, or whatever, and I'm not going to lie. It has everything to do with my need to be understood. I figure if I can explain myself people won't think I'm so crazy. And that makes me happy and keeps me out of bed.

6 comments:

Craig said...

I think you're right on the mark with 'thinking about others'.

I've had my own depressive episodes, and the single thing that has been most helpful to me over the years, has been the advice of a psychologist friend of mine, who told me that, at the root of it, depression is self-focus gone to seed, and doing something, anything - even the smallest act of service - is one of the most effective 'therapies'. . .

And that's been consistent with my own experience. . .

for a different kind of girl said...

I've been trying to work on some of the issues you address here, but I'm struggling with some consistency issues. Small steps, I guess. That and finding books lately that don't cause me to just fall asleep, which is my problem lately!

Sailor said...

Anything at all, to get ourselves out of "ourselves", has to be positive, right? I'm glad you've found some tools, even if it's hard to apply- hang in there!

FHL_Always said...

I agree with reaching out to others. I found that during my depression I isolate myself from others at home -- I read, write poetry, play piano, etc. But none of it helps. Sometimes it makes it worse.

So, my therapist said that I need to be more social with less isolation. I think that's key and it's definitely helped :)

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