A few weeks ago I realized things are pretty good nowadays. It's far from perfect, but I am not feeling that hopelessness, the feeling that this is all there is and there's nothing I can do about it. I realized I've been doing more than just breathing and that's a really good feeling! What's even better is that I even recognized it. I mean, there wasn't some monumental thing that happened to brighten my hopes; it was a slow process -- a painfully slow process.
Everyday I would get out of bed (that is a very important start--crucial) and decidedly put one foot in front of the other and tried, tried very, very hard to remain positive. I would breathe. Often. Things happened that were completely out of my control and I would breathe. Things would happen that hurt me more deeply than I thought I would ever be able to survive and I would breathe. Take another step. Breathe.
Finally, breathing is not so much an effort. Taking the next step is still a little difficult, but my new motto is "no excuses." I've started looking at the different areas within myself that I've needed to work on and started taking steps to improve them. No excuses.
Today I am more than breathing. I am living.