Wednesday, April 09, 2008

manic mondays

I'm ok, I just need to find a balance between my good days and bad days. When they're good, they're really good. And when they're bad, they suck!

A couple of weeks ago, I was on high: energetic, enthusiastic, everything was g-r-e-a-t--GREAT! I was motivated in every way; emotionally, mentally, and physically. Even last week, when RL left to work out of town, I was still in super-great mode. But this week? Not so much.

I can feel myself slipping into that dark hole. I reach out trying to take hold of anything that will keep mefrom falling further, but I can't hold the grip long.

Yesterday I decided, "Screw this! I'm not going to sit in the house all night by myself, studying for a test, cleaning house, waiting for RL to call." So I called a friend and we planned to go out. It was going to be late, because she had a class. But I didn't care, I was going out anyway. I had two more days to study for the test and I wasn't going to stay out very late.

Well, she ended up leaving class early, because she was sick and went home. I was ready, but nowhere to go. (I know you may read this, so NO I'm not mad at you. REALLY!) But I was determined. So I went to a restaurant and had dinner by myself. Let me just say that, if you're in the least bit lonely, I don't recommend eating dinner out by yourself. It tends to magnify the loneliness.

On the other hand, I am kind of proud of myself that I actually went. But still, it wasn't much fun. I just wish I could find some balance between those really great days and these really sucky days.


for a different kind of girl said...

I'm glad you decided to go out to dinner anyway. I know it's not the first choice, but sometimes just getting outside the four walls you're used to is a key. Sometimes for me, just getting the house opened up helps release some of the, I don't know, dust on the mood. I haven't gone to dinner alone for some time, but when I did (or go to lunch alone), I find it really helps me just so I AM alone. Even though my husband is gone so much, I'm still never really "alone," so just having that room is nice. It's also sometimes the only time I get to read or catch up on some writing.

I hope you get the chance to go out with your friend soon, and that you find a balance you seek. I understand it can be tough.

(on another note, oh, how I love that photo below this post! did you take that?! I'm mad for trees, and I love, love, love the lines in that photo!!)

flutterby said...

I had some fun Girlfriend-type plans for today which all came crashing down this morning with one phone call. :(

Wanna catch a quick flight for dinner and shopping?

Oh, to be rich and vapid, hey?

Good for you to be aware of what your moods are telling you and taking action, no matter how small. That's half the battle, right?

Anonymous said...

I learned to stick to going to movies when going it alone. Preferable a movie that isn't crowded. I don't feel so alone, and kind of enjoy relaxing in a dark room with a movie.

Phyllis Renée said...

Girl - The photo is one of mine. It is also one of my favorites, because of the lines. Thanks.

Flutterby - Gosh! An offer like that and your comments from the Lost post . . . you flatter me. :)

SM - See, I don't think I would enjoy a movie alone. Part of the fun is sharing the experience.

Therese in Heaven said...

I'm so sorry that you're down right now. I hope that you start to feel in a better place soon.

When I went away to college I attended a couple movies by myself (Simone &, and it just made me feel more lonely. Personally, I wouldn't recommend it.

1blueshi1 said...

next time, take a book! I LOVE to go out to eat by myself, I pig out and read in peace. not to mention someone else cooks AND cleans up. plus, leftovers!