I'm ok, I just need to find a balance between my good days and bad days. When they're good, they're really good. And when they're bad, they suck!
A couple of weeks ago, I was on high: energetic, enthusiastic, everything was g-r-e-a-t--GREAT! I was motivated in every way; emotionally, mentally, and physically. Even last week, when RL left to work out of town, I was still in super-great mode. But this week? Not so much.
I can feel myself slipping into that dark hole. I reach out trying to take hold of anything that will keep mefrom falling further, but I can't hold the grip long.
Yesterday I decided, "Screw this! I'm not going to sit in the house all night by myself, studying for a test, cleaning house, waiting for RL to call." So I called a friend and we planned to go out. It was going to be late, because she had a class. But I didn't care, I was going out anyway. I had two more days to study for the test and I wasn't going to stay out very late.
Well, she ended up leaving class early, because she was sick and went home. I was ready, but nowhere to go. (I know you may read this, so NO I'm not mad at you. REALLY!) But I was determined. So I went to a restaurant and had dinner by myself. Let me just say that, if you're in the least bit lonely, I don't recommend eating dinner out by yourself. It tends to magnify the loneliness.
On the other hand, I am kind of proud of myself that I actually went. But still, it wasn't much fun. I just wish I could find some balance between those really great days and these really sucky days.