Tuesday, April 01, 2008

are you listening?

Last week I posted about the differences between how women and men communicate. This week I want to share some listening points. If you happen to be new to this blog, I'm not some super-intelligent person and I'm not a psychologist or anything close! These are just some points I found interesting from the psych class I just happen to be taking this semester.

NOT Such Good Ways of Listening:
(My comments are added in parentheses.)

• Making judgmental statements while others are talking. (You know, like, "I can't believe you did that. That's so stupid!")
• Pretending to understand: "I know just how you feel." (Sometimes maybe you actually do understand. So this is really about those statements which are dripping with sarcasm. Which I would never do myself.)
• Giving no response at all. (This is particularly a bad idea, especially if the other person has asked you a question. If this happens just look them in the eye and say, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean.")
• Playing psychologist by analyzing others' behavior and motives. (Like when your spouse calls to let you know they're going to be home late and you accuse them of having an affair. That could really be damaging. Especially if they're really stopping off somewhere to buy you a little gift to surprise you.)
• Giving advice when none has been sought or wanted. (I am so guilty of this. There have been many, many times someone has told me, "I just wanted to get this off my chest. I just need you to listen.")
• Directing the conversation; leading the listener on and/or finishing sentences for him/her. Interrupting. (I'm not sure I understand what this one means.)

Next time: The Good Ways of Listening