Wednesday, March 19, 2008

a good talkin' to

Okay, fatty-fat-fatso! Short sleeve weather is almost here. Soon you'll be able to shed those layers of long-sleeved shirts and jackets and coats. Shed those layers of thermal underwear under your "fat" jeans. Soon you'll be able to show off what you've got and, baby, you've got quite a bit more than you should.

You wanna wear those skimpy, figure hugging tank tops, don't ya? You wanna wear those sexy jeans don't ya? You wanna fly your freak flag and look good doing it, don't ya? And you're vacationing at the beach in July; that'll be here before you know it. You wanna look at least halfway decent in a two-piece, don't ya? Well, you're gonna have to get to work, then.

You've really gotten lazy and let yourself go. Do you realize you've gained 10 pounds in the past 6 months? And after you lost nearly 20 pounds last summer! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Don't you have any pride? C'mon, girl, you're better than that!

It's time you quit makin' excuses and put some miles on that treadmill. Get those weights out and quit whining about how hard it is. Quit eating potato chips, drinking sodas, and chocolate milk. Lay off the pints of ice cream on Sundays. Drink more water and take your vitamins, dang it! I'm sick of lookin' at ya!!