Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Here's something interesting. These are general differences between how men and women communicate:

• Seek connection
• Relate symmetrically as equals
• Prefer interdependence & cooperation
• Decide by concensus
• Yearn for intimacy
• Want approval of peers
• Speak up in private
• Share problems
• Focus on details and feelings
• Mix personal & business talk
• Ask for help, advice & directions
• Give empathy & sympathy
• Want to understand problems

• Seek status
• Relates symmetrically as rivals
• Prefer independence & autonomony
• Decide by force, persuasion or majority
• Yearn for space
• Want respect of peers
• Speak up more in public
• Keep problems to themselves
• Focus on details of facts
• Stick to business
• Don't ask for help, advice or directions
• Give advice & analysis
• Want to solve problems

Remember, these are generalities. But it may be helpful to take note of these for improving our communication skills with the opposite sex (or how to speak their language). There are some on the men's list that I see in myself and some on the women's list I see in RL. But, overall, I can see some ways I could communicate better with RL if I kept this list in mind.


for a different kind of girl said...

My husband is definitely one who speaks more in public, and you can see how he tends to unburden himself with his fear of communicating, because his voice rises and he gets louder (not in an edgy way, but an enthused way) when he knows he's keyed in with others.

He also REALLY keeps his problems to himself. Additionally, he definitely mixes business and personal talk, whereas I don't tend to. Perhaps because my "business" life is so laid back and virtually stress free. However, I suppose the raising of children could count as part of my "business" mode, in which case, then I definitely mix topics.

As for the way women communicate, I'm definitely nodding my head at the number of ways I carry these things out.

Anonymous said...

Wow. This is really interesting. I am definitely on the male side of stuff (your lists I mean), but there were a couple I could identify with on the female side.

1blueshi1 said...

Men belong on Mars...preferably without any rocket ships to bring them back for visits :))))
that's the kind of loving attitude generally found on VENUS, right???

XI Summit said...

Yeah, I go with what the evidences are here: remove the labels and intersperse the descriptions because the generalities are about as accurate as an election poll ....

To better understand your SO choose one from each pair that best describes 'em (then repeat for you):

Seeks connection OR Seeks status
Relates symmetrically as equals OR Relates symmetrically as rivals
Prefers ..... etc etc

The only thing you REALLY need to know is that women typically label the wrong egg container for Easter .... :-)

Desmond Jones said...

Well, thanks, Phyllis; this explains a lot. . .


I've actually seen stuff like this before, and, in general terms (altho not necessarily in all specifics, which you'd expect), it's pretty descriptive of Molly and me.

I read a book a few years back - 'You Just Don't Understand', by Deborah Tanner, that made many of the same points (and, at least from my vantage point, more helpfully than 'Mars/Venus' did). . .