Wednesday, February 06, 2008

hibernation

For the past week or so I've been writing a lot of fluff. I didn't want to write anything, but didn't want to completely go into hibernation either. But for so long my mind has been on other things. Serious things. Things that I can't write about here, because they are much more personal and intimate thoughts than I could comfortably discuss here.

The problem is I want to talk, I want to be open, I want to put it all out there. But I can't. I can't even really talk about it with RL, because he wouldn't take me seriously. I'm one of those people who can stay on a particular subject for days and just talk it to death. So that's how I think RL feels when I try to talk to him. Like I'm beating a dead horse. But I never feel that it's settled.

So I've been trying to escape serious thought. I don't want to think anymore. I want to turn off my brain so my mind can't talk to me, confuse me, berate me. It's affected my sleep and I suspect it will be worse next week, because RL is going out of town again. My mind goes into overdrive when he goes out of town. I get a lump in my throat and tears come to my eyes, even now, just thinking about it.

So, tell me, do crazy thoughts (justified or not) scramble your brain? And how do you handle it?

9 comments:

The Silent Male said...

Yes, my brain goes into overdrive on me sometimes, but I haven't found my own solution yet. If that changes, I'll keep it in mind to let you know.

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

All the time!!!! I am crazy. I handle it by crying every Wednesday. I'm not sure if that is the healthy way to do it, but at least it lets me hide the crazy Thursday-Tuesday.

XI Summit said...

Oh yeah, it's where I live .... and once the 'distractions' (daughters) are out of the house I fear it will go back to what it was before as they provide something of substance for a respite from being overly focused (obsessed) with certain subjects. There is always something daughter-related, Queenie related, Church related, or work related to 'change the subject'.

In actuality StrangelyOrdinary was started just so I could get some of those thoughts out. Unfortunately it has proven far more difficult to articulate such things than I ever imagined because many of the things whirling through my head end up feeling dumb, selfish, or inconsequential when put down in print. Thus it is that the 2.5 readers only get snippets of the madness within.

Desmond Jones said...

Ah, yes. . . The Churning Brain. (raising hand) It'll keep me awake at night, if I let it.

Especially if it runs toward depression, the best thing I've come across is to find something to get the focus off myself. Some form of serving other people, just to turn my focus outward. It ain't a miracle cure, but it's pretty much always helpful. . .

for a different kind of girl said...

Every day. That's about how it works for me. I can't turn it off. I try. A few months ago, I was at the head of what was a really, really dark time for me and I was constantly in a state of fear and anguish. Tried talking to my husband, but he couldn't "solve" the problem, so he was hard to talk to. He figured, also, if he didn't react to my trauma drama about the matter, I'd be calmed down.

Don't know if I have any suggestions for handling a scrambled brain. When it would hit, it just slammed me.

Hope you're well...

Sailor said...

Frequently, my brain does that. I've found that the only thing that helps, even a little, is to talk.

My suggestion would be find *someone* that you can talk to; even if it's an internet friend, you don't have to publish it all here, see if being able to let it out doesn't help to let things go.

Hugs :)

Phyllis Renée said...

Thank you all for your nice comments. I have to say I feel a little saner just knowing I'm not the only one with a scrambled brain. :o) You all are great!

XI Summit said...

It's truly satisfying to know that being messed up can help so many people .... :-)

Jeff said...

Is it time to come in and see me? Believe me I have those days too. I hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling... wishing my brain would stop!

Call me.