So I asked myself, "What is it that makes you so depressed?" Because sometimes it seems that one day I'm fine and the next I just wake up that way. It's not enough to know I get depressed; I have to know why. There has to be some reason for it. Surprisingly (at least it was to me) the answer has to do with control.
Mentally, I noted the things that ultimately trigger depression in me. Then I thought about what these things have in common. The answer is all of them are things which I have no control. For instance, when RL tells me he's going out of town on business (which I have no control over) the next few days and most of the time he's gone I will get depressed. It's a double whammy! I get depressed because of a certain situation AND I get depressed because I can't do anything about it.
Well, that was quite an eye-opener! I mean, I've known for years that I have a control problem and I've been working on that. But I had no idea not having control triggered the depression. But that makes complete sense to me now.
Of course, the first thing that came to my mind after I realized this was the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
It's all about what can and can't be controlled. It's about stepping down and letting God be God, because He is in control of everything anyway. When I try to take control and then realize I don't have that power, I become weak, helpless, and hopeless. But if I would take the situation to God, when it first comes to my mind and say, "I can't do anything about this. Help me get through it." Then I've allowed God to bring me strength, help, and hope.
