Tuesday, October 02, 2007

giving it up

Sitting outside in the dark, looking up at the stars I wondered when this foreboding would end. For weeks, months really, I have been stewing over a situation at home. Mulling it over. Trying to figure it out. All while I knew there really wasn't anything I could do about it. It was just eating at me. Then, it finally occurred to me to pray about it; to really pray about it.

I don't understand why I wait so long to take things that concern me the most to God and let Him help me sort them out. I don't understand why it always takes me so long to come to my senses. I don't know why I want to hang on to the sadness, worry, grief, anxiety, fear for so long like a small child clutching her security blanket before I relinquish my hold on it and surrender it to Him. Because as soon as I do, as soon as I allow Him access to those areas of my life, I am suddenly set free from those very things. Almost literally a weight is lifted off me and I can see clearly now the rain is gone. (Sorry, that just slipped out, though there are probably few that read this blog that have ever even heard that song. *AHEM!* Now get serious. This is a serious post.)

So late last night every time I felt those thoughts moving in, every time I felt those worries and fears rising up in me I reminded myself I had given those things to God. I had laid those things at the foot of the cross and I didn't have to think about them anymore, because God was taking care of them. He knows all about it and can handle it a lot better than I could ever think or imagine. Besides, there isn't anything I could do about them anyway, that's the whole point of surrendering them to God.

Today is the first time in months I have felt so at peace with my life. And I wonder, again, why does it take me so long to give it to God?


XI Summit said...

Isn't that all too often the way? We can't even let go of things we can't control, let alone things we can. And yet He's there the entire time, just waiting for us to come to our senses.

Praise God for bringing the peace you needed.


Sailor said...

Perhaps, it takes a while to give them up, because we're all too human?

We "own" our feelings, good bad and indifferent- including worries and stress. So, it's not always easy to give them away, even when as you correctly say, it's like removing a weight from your shoulders.

Phyllis Renée said...

He's there the entire time, just waiting for us to come to our senses.

And it's not that He's there waiting impatiently. He is so lovingly patient and we are so dang stubborn.

Sailor -- I think it's because we're soooo human and so full of pride that we tend to hold on to these things. Letting go seems to be the weak thing to do and, you know, we can't be weak. Gotta "be strong." But we forget that we're supposed to humble ourselves before the Lord and He will lift us up.

Sailor said...

Yes, very true- that, and I also wonder how much we hang onto, because we want to "fix" things. Men more than women generally, but still most of us don't like to let go of things, and remember that we can turn them over to Him. He doesn't demand that we come up with a solved problem before we approach.

Thanks for this post, and your comment- a nice reminder

Phyllis Renée said...

Sailor -- Oh yeah, I'm a "fixer." Try not to be as much anymore, but I still find myself falling into those old habits.

lisa lessing said...

Phyllis, I am smiling as I read this. Want to know why? Because I get it! From one ragafuffin to another, I completely get it!!! love you!w