Tuesday, February 20, 2007

acquainted with grief

For days I go through such a sadness that I begin to think I'm plummeting into depression. And then it finally occurs to me that what I'm experiencing is actually grief. After so much loss in my life I can't figure out why it's so difficult for grief to be recognized. It takes me several days to get to the question: "What am I feeling, really?" When the answer comes back 'loss' the 'ahas' resound in my head and I almost feel sane again.

It's surprising to me sometimes how grief disguises itself. If there's a death in the family, a divorce, or something traumatic grief is easily identified. But sometimes it's hidden behind feelings of betrayal. It eludes confrontation and resolution by crouching behind one who has lied. So instead of working through the grief process, time is wasted on feeling sorry for oneself, doubting self-worth, and naming countless insecurities.

Now I can move on.

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